![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
最近，Facebook游戏Mousehunt迎接了一位特别来宾。
她就是Ronza.
Ronza是一位神秘商人，每逢Mousehunt过节时，就会带一批特别限量版的t
这还是我第一次见到Ronza.
以前还自觉Mousehunt好无聊，记得还骂铭和威，为什么会迷上这个没用的游戏。
至今，自己却疯狂似的，每十五分钟就拼命sound horn，真不知道自己是不是脑袋有问题。
其实，我发觉自己的concentration span是很短的。
所以，我并不清楚Mousehunt到底有什么吸引力，能让我沉迷之久。
或许是因为我还没达到最高境界。
以前不论玩什么游戏，一旦达到最高境界（highest level)我就会迅速失去兴趣。
又也许是因为有很多朋友都一起玩Mousehunt，所以觉得特别有趣。
我真的认为，如果有一天，电脑从这个世界消失，我会立刻死掉。
也许这就是个悲剧。
怎么会有人宁愿面对电脑而不想和其他人见面？
然而，我就是这个怪胎。
有时候，我真的觉得用电脑沟通胜于面对面沟通。
是不是自己平时太多秘密要藏起，因此不愿让人见识自己的表情？
毕竟，用电脑沟通只能看到人所打的字，而看不到表情。
我们是不是越来越不会面对面说话？
我想，我真的是。。。
她就是Ronza.
Ronza是一位神秘商人，每逢Mousehunt过节时，就会带一批特别限量版的t
这还是我第一次见到Ronza.
以前还自觉Mousehunt好无聊，记得还骂铭和威，为什么会迷上这个没用的游戏。
至今，自己却疯狂似的，每十五分钟就拼命sound horn，真不知道自己是不是脑袋有问题。
其实，我发觉自己的concentration span是很短的。
所以，我并不清楚Mousehunt到底有什么吸引力，能让我沉迷之久。
或许是因为我还没达到最高境界。
以前不论玩什么游戏，一旦达到最高境界（highest level)我就会迅速失去兴趣。
又也许是因为有很多朋友都一起玩Mousehunt，所以觉得特别有趣。
我真的认为，如果有一天，电脑从这个世界消失，我会立刻死掉。
也许这就是个悲剧。
怎么会有人宁愿面对电脑而不想和其他人见面？
然而，我就是这个怪胎。
有时候，我真的觉得用电脑沟通胜于面对面沟通。
是不是自己平时太多秘密要藏起，因此不愿让人见识自己的表情？
毕竟，用电脑沟通只能看到人所打的字，而看不到表情。
我们是不是越来越不会面对面说话？
我想，我真的是。。。
- Location:家
- Mood:无聊
- Music:梁静茹- 无条件为你
一时之间好像没什么写似的。
下午和铭一起回想一年前的我。
或者该说，一年前的我们。
那时候真的玩得很疯。
偶尔会说，真希望时间没有流转，一切能恢复到以前的那段美好时光。
但是，我们总得继续走人生的路。
再美好的回忆也会渐渐暗淡。
再要好的朋友也会渐渐疏远。
再火烈的爱情也会冷灭。
到头来，能陪自己走完人生之路，恐怕只有自己的影子吧。
一向都不太在乎旁边的人怎么看我。
该做的都做了，从不觉得欠了别人任何东西。
这大概是做人的原则吧。
又或许我只是在为自己扑一条后路。
如果欠了别人人情，感情若出现状况，就不容易脱身，总会觉得对不起他人似的。
相反的，如果不欠人情，那要走要留只需要看自己的心情。
我说的，你们大概能体谅把？
有些人说我悲观。
我不是悲观。我只是现实。
有些人说我虚伪。
我不是虚伪。我只是不想惹事。
有些人说我太自以为是。
我不是自以为是。我只是想尽自己本分把一切做好。
有些人说我愚蠢。
我不是愚蠢。我只是太在乎对我重要的人。
不否认，重要的人无时无刻的在改变。
不过，就算你只是我的曾经，这不代表你不会在我的将来出现。
我会给大家机会。但愿你们也一样。
下午和铭一起回想一年前的我。
或者该说，一年前的我们。
那时候真的玩得很疯。
偶尔会说，真希望时间没有流转，一切能恢复到以前的那段美好时光。
但是，我们总得继续走人生的路。
再美好的回忆也会渐渐暗淡。
再要好的朋友也会渐渐疏远。
再火烈的爱情也会冷灭。
到头来，能陪自己走完人生之路，恐怕只有自己的影子吧。
一向都不太在乎旁边的人怎么看我。
该做的都做了，从不觉得欠了别人任何东西。
这大概是做人的原则吧。
又或许我只是在为自己扑一条后路。
如果欠了别人人情，感情若出现状况，就不容易脱身，总会觉得对不起他人似的。
相反的，如果不欠人情，那要走要留只需要看自己的心情。
我说的，你们大概能体谅把？
有些人说我悲观。
我不是悲观。我只是现实。
有些人说我虚伪。
我不是虚伪。我只是不想惹事。
有些人说我太自以为是。
我不是自以为是。我只是想尽自己本分把一切做好。
有些人说我愚蠢。
我不是愚蠢。我只是太在乎对我重要的人。
不否认，重要的人无时无刻的在改变。
不过，就算你只是我的曾经，这不代表你不会在我的将来出现。
我会给大家机会。但愿你们也一样。
- Location:家
- Mood:思考
今天领悟了一些道理。
也许“无烟不起火”这句话是真的。
看来，自己要小心平时所说的话，以免引起误会。
我可以坦然地说，你们不要胡思乱想了。
在目前的状况，答案是“没有”。
以前和现在都没。
我不能排除将来发展的可能性，不过将来谁又能预算呢？
所以，不要以为人生就是个偶像剧。
我不相信一见钟情，也不相信天长地久。
我只相信，每件事情的出现都有自己的原因。
或许，在不久的将来，我会找到生命里能和我真正相处的人。
但是，在没发生之前，希望我能保持和大家的友谊。
不要为了小事而引起误会。
我不想失去任何人。
除非，你为了某些原因而厌倦了我这个朋友。
那么，长痛不如短痛，你不妨直接告诉我。
我是个明白事理的人。
我也相信，总有一天，你们会明白，我不是坏人。
我做的每一件事，都是为你们着想。
珍重。
也许“无烟不起火”这句话是真的。
看来，自己要小心平时所说的话，以免引起误会。
我可以坦然地说，你们不要胡思乱想了。
在目前的状况，答案是“没有”。
以前和现在都没。
我不能排除将来发展的可能性，不过将来谁又能预算呢？
所以，不要以为人生就是个偶像剧。
我不相信一见钟情，也不相信天长地久。
我只相信，每件事情的出现都有自己的原因。
或许，在不久的将来，我会找到生命里能和我真正相处的人。
但是，在没发生之前，希望我能保持和大家的友谊。
不要为了小事而引起误会。
我不想失去任何人。
除非，你为了某些原因而厌倦了我这个朋友。
那么，长痛不如短痛，你不妨直接告诉我。
我是个明白事理的人。
我也相信，总有一天，你们会明白，我不是坏人。
我做的每一件事，都是为你们着想。
珍重。
- Location:家
- Mood:昏乱
正当你认为自己很了解对方的时候，对方就一定做出一件令你意想不到的事。
我们真正了解家人，爱人，朋友的程度，是怎么量的呢？
人的关系是一件很奥妙的东西。
它无时无刻都在改变，根本不给你时间适应。
就算是你最信任的人，都可能会奔叛你。
相反的，一个你不怎么在乎的陌生人，又可能化成生命里某个重要人物。
世上是没有永远的敌人。也没有永远的朋友。
其实，知心的朋友不需要很多个。
哈，说得容易。知心的朋友，如果真的要找，也不是一件容易的事。
我自问也不是谁的知心朋友吧。
到现在，我也不忍为我已经遇到我真正能说是“知心”的朋友。
又或许这一两个重要人物，已经出现在我的生命里，但是，我们的关系还没发展到那个地步
我只好默默地等。
等什么呢?
我自己都不知道。
也许，到头来，我又是在等希望吧。
不知道为什么，最近觉得自己很孤独。
有时，会想念别人陪着的滋味。
但有时，自己又认为不被人骚扰是一件好事。
我是不是自相矛盾呢？
我们真正了解家人，爱人，朋友的程度，是怎么量的呢？
人的关系是一件很奥妙的东西。
它无时无刻都在改变，根本不给你时间适应。
就算是你最信任的人，都可能会奔叛你。
相反的，一个你不怎么在乎的陌生人，又可能化成生命里某个重要人物。
世上是没有永远的敌人。也没有永远的朋友。
其实，知心的朋友不需要很多个。
哈，说得容易。知心的朋友，如果真的要找，也不是一件容易的事。
我自问也不是谁的知心朋友吧。
到现在，我也不忍为我已经遇到我真正能说是“知心”的朋友。
又或许这一两个重要人物，已经出现在我的生命里，但是，我们的关系还没发展到那个地步
我只好默默地等。
等什么呢?
我自己都不知道。
也许，到头来，我又是在等希望吧。
不知道为什么，最近觉得自己很孤独。
有时，会想念别人陪着的滋味。
但有时，自己又认为不被人骚扰是一件好事。
我是不是自相矛盾呢？
- Location:家
- Mood:矛盾
- Music:曹格 - 寂寞公路
花了一整个晚上tag MP3s.
也听了很多老歌。
不知道是不是现在的人不会写歌。
流行歌曲不论是melody或lyrics都是垃圾。
还是听老歌比较舒服。
英文歌也是这样。
特别喜欢伍思凯的情歌。
觉得很好听，很有意思。
听了几首后，整个人都心平气和。
刚才真的很生气，甚至想哭。
总觉得这已经变成了一个vicious cycle。
每次大吵后，就不理会对方。
过几天气消后，大家就若无其事的，假装整件事从没发生过。
不止是我和家人之间；连和朋友有时候都是这样。
逃避真的能解决问题吗？
如果可以，这个世界的人，为什么还是这么不开心？
还是，我们根本明白问题的存在，但是不愿意去面对它？
当然，有些小事也许会随着时光得被忘记。
但又有些，根本就是基础问题，fundamental problems.
我们一而再，再而三的不理会，等到爆发的时候，就无法收拾了。
到头来也只剩下一个无法弥补的惨剧。
但我不得不承认，我就是那个诺夫，不敢或不愿去面对问题的胆小鬼。
经常在别人面前坚强的我，也只不过是一个缺乏自信和自尊的窝囊。
我怎么会堕落到这个地步？
也听了很多老歌。
不知道是不是现在的人不会写歌。
流行歌曲不论是melody或lyrics都是垃圾。
还是听老歌比较舒服。
英文歌也是这样。
特别喜欢伍思凯的情歌。
觉得很好听，很有意思。
听了几首后，整个人都心平气和。
刚才真的很生气，甚至想哭。
总觉得这已经变成了一个vicious cycle。
每次大吵后，就不理会对方。
过几天气消后，大家就若无其事的，假装整件事从没发生过。
不止是我和家人之间；连和朋友有时候都是这样。
逃避真的能解决问题吗？
如果可以，这个世界的人，为什么还是这么不开心？
还是，我们根本明白问题的存在，但是不愿意去面对它？
当然，有些小事也许会随着时光得被忘记。
但又有些，根本就是基础问题，fundamental problems.
我们一而再，再而三的不理会，等到爆发的时候，就无法收拾了。
到头来也只剩下一个无法弥补的惨剧。
但我不得不承认，我就是那个诺夫，不敢或不愿去面对问题的胆小鬼。
经常在别人面前坚强的我，也只不过是一个缺乏自信和自尊的窝囊。
我怎么会堕落到这个地步？
- Location:家
- Mood:无奈
- Music:伍思凯- 分享
今天去面试，还算不错。
丽珊还吓我说，她出的测验很难。
其实，我还应付得来。
现在，自己该做的都做了。
只好在家等消息。
好吧，祝自己好运，一切顺利。
刚刚下载了一部港戏看，是一部我期待了很久，但没时间看的戏。
不知道你们有听说过吗，它叫Laughing Gor之变节。
Laughing Gor的角色是Michael Tse演的，是从"学警III"这部港剧adapt的。
我本身很喜欢他的角色，Michael演得很好，比那个Ron Ng吴卓曦好多了。
据我所知，Michael的角色很受欢迎，TVB因此借机会，索性拍了个电影来cas
当会儿会看这部电影，唯一不太喜欢的是，电影里好像有Fala Chen陈法拉，觉得她演技好差，真不知道她是怎么被选中演戏的。
发觉自己打中文字的速度非常的慢，比起打英文字，真的像差太多。
有时候自己会忘记到底哪一个中文字是对的，还要一个一个的看。
今天路过7-11，进去买了一份Ｎｅｗ Ｐａｐｅｒ，顺便瞄了联合早报一眼，太多不会
本想买一份来看，后来觉得很浪费钱，就把报纸丢回去。
想起中学时候，学校逼我买联合早报，我总是看都不看，就丢进ｌｏｃｋｅｒ里，等到报纸
哈哈，想起来还蛮好笑的。
真的很怀念童年。
尤其是小学和中学的时候。
无忧无虑的尽情玩。
或许小时候的我比较聪明。
不用读书也能考到好成绩。
那时候的生活是最快乐的。
妈说，我不能再凭自己的小聪明过生活了，这招早已不管用。
我自己也知道，我不是读书的料。
做事也时常是三分钟热度，开始的东西往往都没有完成。
幸亏还熬过了大学，但如果再叫我读下去，真的不知道自己能不能支持住。
在等这个星期的Grey's Anatomy出来。
发觉自己真的不喜欢追看连续剧。
也许是因为我没耐心等下一集，我喜欢一次过看完整个剧。
因此，我所看的连续剧都是下载的。
而且我有时还故意看最后一集的spoilers,太迫不及待想知道结果。
如果我认为结果不理想，我很可能就把整个剧condemn，从此不再看了。
你们说，这是不是表现了自己没耐心，三分钟热度的一面？：（
最后，我好像去钓虾。
虽然说钓虾是杀生，残忍，但是我没什么管。
自己都不是vegetarian，哈哈。
但是我钓虾的原因不是因为我想吃它们。
而是我觉得，当我在钓虾的时候，我会把精神都concentrate在一起。
钓虾是需要很多技巧的，没有充分的concentration，就一定不成功。
所以，在那一两个小时里，我不会去想别的事，会把精神都集中在虾钢。
那时，就会觉得整个人都轻松，平静。
这种感觉，我已经好久都找不到。
根我打电动游戏或上网聊天，真的不一样。
那么，有没有人肯赏脸，周末时陪我去钓虾？
丽珊还吓我说，她出的测验很难。
其实，我还应付得来。
现在，自己该做的都做了。
只好在家等消息。
好吧，祝自己好运，一切顺利。
刚刚下载了一部港戏看，是一部我期待了很久，但没时间看的戏。
不知道你们有听说过吗，它叫Laughing Gor之变节。
Laughing Gor的角色是Michael Tse演的，是从"学警III"这部港剧adapt的。
我本身很喜欢他的角色，Michael演得很好，比那个Ron Ng吴卓曦好多了。
据我所知，Michael的角色很受欢迎，TVB因此借机会，索性拍了个电影来cas
当会儿会看这部电影，唯一不太喜欢的是，电影里好像有Fala Chen陈法拉，觉得她演技好差，真不知道她是怎么被选中演戏的。
发觉自己打中文字的速度非常的慢，比起打英文字，真的像差太多。
有时候自己会忘记到底哪一个中文字是对的，还要一个一个的看。
今天路过7-11，进去买了一份Ｎｅｗ Ｐａｐｅｒ，顺便瞄了联合早报一眼，太多不会
本想买一份来看，后来觉得很浪费钱，就把报纸丢回去。
想起中学时候，学校逼我买联合早报，我总是看都不看，就丢进ｌｏｃｋｅｒ里，等到报纸
哈哈，想起来还蛮好笑的。
真的很怀念童年。
尤其是小学和中学的时候。
无忧无虑的尽情玩。
或许小时候的我比较聪明。
不用读书也能考到好成绩。
那时候的生活是最快乐的。
妈说，我不能再凭自己的小聪明过生活了，这招早已不管用。
我自己也知道，我不是读书的料。
做事也时常是三分钟热度，开始的东西往往都没有完成。
幸亏还熬过了大学，但如果再叫我读下去，真的不知道自己能不能支持住。
在等这个星期的Grey's Anatomy出来。
发觉自己真的不喜欢追看连续剧。
也许是因为我没耐心等下一集，我喜欢一次过看完整个剧。
因此，我所看的连续剧都是下载的。
而且我有时还故意看最后一集的spoilers,太迫不及待想知道结果。
如果我认为结果不理想，我很可能就把整个剧condemn，从此不再看了。
你们说，这是不是表现了自己没耐心，三分钟热度的一面？：（
最后，我好像去钓虾。
虽然说钓虾是杀生，残忍，但是我没什么管。
自己都不是vegetarian，哈哈。
但是我钓虾的原因不是因为我想吃它们。
而是我觉得，当我在钓虾的时候，我会把精神都concentrate在一起。
钓虾是需要很多技巧的，没有充分的concentration，就一定不成功。
所以，在那一两个小时里，我不会去想别的事，会把精神都集中在虾钢。
那时，就会觉得整个人都轻松，平静。
这种感觉，我已经好久都找不到。
根我打电动游戏或上网聊天，真的不一样。
那么，有没有人肯赏脸，周末时陪我去钓虾？
- Location:家
- Music:钟嘉欣 - 火柴天堂
明天要去见工了。
真的应该早点睡。
刚看完新加坡和马来西亚联合拍的戏剧，“快乐一家”。
以前我很讨厌新传媒拍的戏，喜欢看TVB拍的港剧。
或许这想法根本没改变，但不知道为什么，“快乐一家”有自己独特的吸引力。
也许是因为，剧里的大女儿，佳宁，能够自己搬出来住。
好羡慕这种自由自在的生活。
真期待能自己找房子住，自己开车上班。
但是现实没那么美满，光是供车已经可能把四分之一的薪水吃掉，就别想什么租房子了。
但戏里的佳宁，虽然搬出来住，和家人的感情依然很好。
我就可能不同了。
在家里时常和父母吵架，有时候真的很心烦。
人往往不会珍惜眼前所拥有的，直到失去它才醒悟。
这个道理，戏剧里也提过。
我不能否认，戏的剧本没什么新鲜。
温馨家庭剧不都是一般的。
炒股票输钱，差点倾家荡产。
婚外情。
事业女性不肯生儿育女。
写来写去都是一样的。
我也要强调，戏剧和现实有很大的差别。
就算情形有多恶略，大家都知道，剧情的结果一定是开心美满的。
现实往往就没那么好。
什么船到桥头自然直，什么柳暗花明又一春，都是骗人的。
有时候我认为，戏剧不应该次次都有圆满的结果，这会让人以为，生命是不必靠自己凭，就
不过，人们总需要一点希望，对吗？
或许我看这个戏的原因，就是因为自己在寻求希望。
哈哈，希望写了这么多，会帮助自己的conversational Mandarin.
朋友们，如果有空，不妨花点时间，看以下的戏剧。
电视好像是在星期一至五，傍晚七点播放。 如果错过，我有整个剧的download.
是从网络偷过来的，哈哈。
真的应该早点睡。
刚看完新加坡和马来西亚联合拍的戏剧，“快乐一家”。
以前我很讨厌新传媒拍的戏，喜欢看TVB拍的港剧。
或许这想法根本没改变，但不知道为什么，“快乐一家”有自己独特的吸引力。
也许是因为，剧里的大女儿，佳宁，能够自己搬出来住。
好羡慕这种自由自在的生活。
真期待能自己找房子住，自己开车上班。
但是现实没那么美满，光是供车已经可能把四分之一的薪水吃掉，就别想什么租房子了。
但戏里的佳宁，虽然搬出来住，和家人的感情依然很好。
我就可能不同了。
在家里时常和父母吵架，有时候真的很心烦。
人往往不会珍惜眼前所拥有的，直到失去它才醒悟。
这个道理，戏剧里也提过。
我不能否认，戏的剧本没什么新鲜。
温馨家庭剧不都是一般的。
炒股票输钱，差点倾家荡产。
婚外情。
事业女性不肯生儿育女。
写来写去都是一样的。
我也要强调，戏剧和现实有很大的差别。
就算情形有多恶略，大家都知道，剧情的结果一定是开心美满的。
现实往往就没那么好。
什么船到桥头自然直，什么柳暗花明又一春，都是骗人的。
有时候我认为，戏剧不应该次次都有圆满的结果，这会让人以为，生命是不必靠自己凭，就
不过，人们总需要一点希望，对吗？
或许我看这个戏的原因，就是因为自己在寻求希望。
哈哈，希望写了这么多，会帮助自己的conversational Mandarin.
朋友们，如果有空，不妨花点时间，看以下的戏剧。
电视好像是在星期一至五，傍晚七点播放。 如果错过，我有整个剧的download.
是从网络偷过来的，哈哈。
有些时候，我真的觉得自己的中文程度一塌糊涂。
那天跟凱玲MSN时，她还笑我，怎么这么多东南亚国家的中文名字，我都不懂。
其实我小时候，中文并不差。还记得读小学时，我还拿过中文作文奖。
也许是到了中学，我很少，不，是从来没用中文沟通，因此水平退步了这么多。
话说回来，其实我并不觉得我的中文是那么烂。
或许是因为我记忆力不差，所以很多词语我都记得。
很多人说，我写中文文章，比我用中文交谈来的好。
这当然不一样。
写呢，可以慢慢写，先想好自己要表达什么，再想用什么词语恰当。
说话，得马上把意思表达出来。
除了每天用的平常表达词语，其他的我真的无法在短期时间内立刻想出来。
昨天，在电视上看了一个北京游乐节目，主持人是个美国人。
他说的中文，可以说是比我好一百倍。
我妈说，我们这些做华人的，真的应该很惭愧。
连外国人讲的中文都比我们好。
但我相信这些人之所以会讲这么好的中文，是因为他们本来就对中国文化很有兴趣，因此对
我呢，一向都不对中国文化有兴趣。
这并不代表我喜欢美国或欧洲的文化。
也许我就是这种什么都不理的人？？？
但话说回来，新加坡和马来西亚都是cosmopolitan（实在不懂华文翻译是什么
新加坡当然是学英文，和自己的母语。
马来西亚呢，就学国语（马来语），英文和自己的母语。 如果你是马来西亚华侨，那你就得学三个语言，实在是不容易。
如果学得好，当然是件好事。问题出在，太多人学得不好。
有时候我真的觉得新加坡和马来西亚的英文水准根本比不上其他国家。
我明白，其他国家已有几百年说英文的历史了。
不过，我们不能否认，现在，英语是环球的语言(global language?)。
学习自己的母语必然重要，但是，能和全世界的人沟通，也是一个不能轻视的必须。
最近，看到在报纸里，马来西亚要恢复用马来语来教课，不禁感到有些担忧。
不是我想轻视马来语的重要，不过，我真的不明白，有些科目怎么可能可以用马来语来教。
历史之类还可能可以，但是，科学呢？例如化学。这么多scientific terms怎么用马来语来教?
就算是写报告，整个世界都是用英语来写的。
身为一个social scientist by education and trade, 我很清楚知道，要写一份好报告，一定不能少了优良英文水准。
我明白很多人，包括马来西亚的老师，都大力反对用英文教课，以前推出用英文教课，成绩
但是这种改变不是一朝一夜就能见效的。
当初，新加坡有这么多华族学校也是用中文教课，政府宣布要用英文教课的时候，不也有很
到头来，我们也不是渐渐接受了。
虽然当今的英文程度也不是最理想的，但我相信，如果我们当时没有推出如此的改动，现在
当然知道，我一个人的想法是没用的。
也许你们不会明白，我怎么会去理会这些话题。
你们也许不知道，我父亲是马来西亚人。
他不是在华族学校读书的，他是读基督教开的学校。
像他六十岁的人，有这样的英语程度已经算不错。
但是我有几个堂兄弟，在马来西亚长大，我看过他们的英语课本，程度真的很低。
根糟糕的是，连老师们教的英语，有时也出差错。
我知道很多朋友认为我是一个对国事不理会的人。
但怎么说，我在新加坡和马来西亚都有亲人。
新加坡给我的教育，从小学读高材班，一直到大学毕业，真的教了我不少东西。
我时常开玩笑说我要移民，但是心里真的舍不得这里。
我也希望能对社会做出一点贡献，但有时候看到人们都不愿意改变，不愿意尝试新的东西，
哈哈，用了中文写了一个“支持英文”的文章，好像有点矛盾。
最近整天无所事事，等着开工，自己也静静的理论了一些事。
看了一些中文节目，有些，真的发觉自己可以在节目的happenings找到和自己生
理会了一个道理。
英文当然重要。
自己的母语也不可以忽略。
要对自己的文化感到骄傲。
写着写着都写了一个小时多了，该停笔了。
以后，希望会常常心血来潮，能这么有耐心再在网络上用华文，或英文，再表达自己的思想
不知道还有没有朋友会看这个日记，有没有都无所谓。
自己能够有地方说出心里的话，已经算是有个解脱。
想借此感谢几个人。
桥牌里的爱铭，介胜和富光，希望没有把你们的名字搞错。
谢谢你们一直对我的关怀。
凱玲，静诗和永嘉，你们永远是我的好FYP groupmates, 希望你们都能梦想成真，过快乐美满的生活。
还有欣璇，容祯，琪琴和以慧 （我不会写你们的中文名！），十年前我们相识一场，十年后希望还能和现在一样是好朋友
还有启晶和佩燕，希望你们也能快乐。
最后，和我相识十五年的桂清，真的很感激你一路以来和我经历童年，一直到我们长大成人
希望大家都知道，幸福，真的是要自己去争取的。
那天跟凱玲MSN时，她还笑我，怎么这么多东南亚国家的中文名字，我都不懂。
其实我小时候，中文并不差。还记得读小学时，我还拿过中文作文奖。
也许是到了中学，我很少，不，是从来没用中文沟通，因此水平退步了这么多。
话说回来，其实我并不觉得我的中文是那么烂。
或许是因为我记忆力不差，所以很多词语我都记得。
很多人说，我写中文文章，比我用中文交谈来的好。
这当然不一样。
写呢，可以慢慢写，先想好自己要表达什么，再想用什么词语恰当。
说话，得马上把意思表达出来。
除了每天用的平常表达词语，其他的我真的无法在短期时间内立刻想出来。
昨天，在电视上看了一个北京游乐节目，主持人是个美国人。
他说的中文，可以说是比我好一百倍。
我妈说，我们这些做华人的，真的应该很惭愧。
连外国人讲的中文都比我们好。
但我相信这些人之所以会讲这么好的中文，是因为他们本来就对中国文化很有兴趣，因此对
我呢，一向都不对中国文化有兴趣。
这并不代表我喜欢美国或欧洲的文化。
也许我就是这种什么都不理的人？？？
但话说回来，新加坡和马来西亚都是cosmopolitan（实在不懂华文翻译是什么
新加坡当然是学英文，和自己的母语。
马来西亚呢，就学国语（马来语），英文和自己的母语。 如果你是马来西亚华侨，那你就得学三个语言，实在是不容易。
如果学得好，当然是件好事。问题出在，太多人学得不好。
有时候我真的觉得新加坡和马来西亚的英文水准根本比不上其他国家。
我明白，其他国家已有几百年说英文的历史了。
不过，我们不能否认，现在，英语是环球的语言(global language?)。
学习自己的母语必然重要，但是，能和全世界的人沟通，也是一个不能轻视的必须。
最近，看到在报纸里，马来西亚要恢复用马来语来教课，不禁感到有些担忧。
不是我想轻视马来语的重要，不过，我真的不明白，有些科目怎么可能可以用马来语来教。
历史之类还可能可以，但是，科学呢？例如化学。这么多scientific terms怎么用马来语来教?
就算是写报告，整个世界都是用英语来写的。
身为一个social scientist by education and trade, 我很清楚知道，要写一份好报告，一定不能少了优良英文水准。
我明白很多人，包括马来西亚的老师，都大力反对用英文教课，以前推出用英文教课，成绩
但是这种改变不是一朝一夜就能见效的。
当初，新加坡有这么多华族学校也是用中文教课，政府宣布要用英文教课的时候，不也有很
到头来，我们也不是渐渐接受了。
虽然当今的英文程度也不是最理想的，但我相信，如果我们当时没有推出如此的改动，现在
当然知道，我一个人的想法是没用的。
也许你们不会明白，我怎么会去理会这些话题。
你们也许不知道，我父亲是马来西亚人。
他不是在华族学校读书的，他是读基督教开的学校。
像他六十岁的人，有这样的英语程度已经算不错。
但是我有几个堂兄弟，在马来西亚长大，我看过他们的英语课本，程度真的很低。
根糟糕的是，连老师们教的英语，有时也出差错。
我知道很多朋友认为我是一个对国事不理会的人。
但怎么说，我在新加坡和马来西亚都有亲人。
新加坡给我的教育，从小学读高材班，一直到大学毕业，真的教了我不少东西。
我时常开玩笑说我要移民，但是心里真的舍不得这里。
我也希望能对社会做出一点贡献，但有时候看到人们都不愿意改变，不愿意尝试新的东西，
哈哈，用了中文写了一个“支持英文”的文章，好像有点矛盾。
最近整天无所事事，等着开工，自己也静静的理论了一些事。
看了一些中文节目，有些，真的发觉自己可以在节目的happenings找到和自己生
理会了一个道理。
英文当然重要。
自己的母语也不可以忽略。
要对自己的文化感到骄傲。
写着写着都写了一个小时多了，该停笔了。
以后，希望会常常心血来潮，能这么有耐心再在网络上用华文，或英文，再表达自己的思想
不知道还有没有朋友会看这个日记，有没有都无所谓。
自己能够有地方说出心里的话，已经算是有个解脱。
想借此感谢几个人。
桥牌里的爱铭，介胜和富光，希望没有把你们的名字搞错。
谢谢你们一直对我的关怀。
凱玲，静诗和永嘉，你们永远是我的好FYP groupmates, 希望你们都能梦想成真，过快乐美满的生活。
还有欣璇，容祯，琪琴和以慧 （我不会写你们的中文名！），十年前我们相识一场，十年后希望还能和现在一样是好朋友
还有启晶和佩燕，希望你们也能快乐。
最后，和我相识十五年的桂清，真的很感激你一路以来和我经历童年，一直到我们长大成人
希望大家都知道，幸福，真的是要自己去争取的。
- Location:家
- Mood:平静
Sometimes, it's easier just to be casual acquaintances.
The psych test today made me ponder one question rather hard.
"Do you know people better than they know you?"
The difficult wasn't in answering.
I'm certain the answer is yes.
Why the answer is so, on the other hand, is a different story.
It is really too hard to be that infallible person.
And it is next to impossible to please everyone.
And at the end, all that matters is whom you've upset.
Not whom you've satisfied, because they don't give half a damn once the job is over.
And if you just shelved those people whom you've upset into the "acquaintance" category, you feel less guilty, less responsible.
You didn't have a deep or strong relationship anyway, so who cares if you're unhappy?
You're expendable.
And I don't need you.
Or should we say, none of you deserve to have me care.
Things look much better once you let go :)
The psych test today made me ponder one question rather hard.
"Do you know people better than they know you?"
The difficult wasn't in answering.
I'm certain the answer is yes.
Why the answer is so, on the other hand, is a different story.
It is really too hard to be that infallible person.
And it is next to impossible to please everyone.
And at the end, all that matters is whom you've upset.
Not whom you've satisfied, because they don't give half a damn once the job is over.
And if you just shelved those people whom you've upset into the "acquaintance" category, you feel less guilty, less responsible.
You didn't have a deep or strong relationship anyway, so who cares if you're unhappy?
You're expendable.
And I don't need you.
Or should we say, none of you deserve to have me care.
Things look much better once you let go :)
I'm waiting for something, yet I don't exactly know what I'm waiting for.
I think the past week has been illuminating for me.
I've reached a realization. I'm stuck in quicksand, and I need to get the hell out of it to stable ground before I sink into the abyss.
When I was still a student, I used to bitch plenty about seniors who graduated, yet stuck around refusing to leave.
Hall 7 had Leslie (and I hear he's still there even though he was two batches ahead of me).
Hall 16 has our good friend G.
And yes, I loathe the sight of G.
I was talking to D the other day during 03S72 gathering and we brought up Leslie, and how he should get the hell out of Hall 7 and stop ruining the lives of freshies.
But the more I think about it, the more I'm terrified that I might be going down the path of Leslie and G.
And I won't be that person.
I won't be the one whom wide-eyed freshmen stare at adoringly while seasoned seniors bitch about.
I refuse to be the person who cannot grow up.
Though I doubt anyone in CBC has the right to bitch about me because honestly NONE of you have come even close to matching what I've done for the club and especially a selected few of you.
I know some people think I blow with the wind.
I don't deny that I behave differently depending on who I'm around.
But I do things the best way I can.
If it means obscuring the truth when necessary, I'm not above doing so.
I have my morals and my ethics.
And I do follow them through.
I can't help it if they are dissimilar from yours.
I dislike hypocrites.
And I do not, in my opinion, behave like one.
My ethics are to help those I want to help.
If it means I have to shortchange others I am less concerned about, it's part of the trade.
And if it wasn't for a few of you people, I would never bend my back over for something as paltry as, say, SHF list. But I did.
Now maybe you wouldn't have wanted me to.
And I don't seek anything in return.
I would never use what I did as a bargaining chip for anything.
And I mean never.
So I have done what I tasked myself to do.
Perhaps I can say I lived up to you and kept my promises.
But to me, more importantly, I lived up to myself.
And I have no regrets.
Not for a single thing I have done.
And while we are on the decisions I've made for CBC and Hall 16,
And I would do exactly the same thing if I had my choice.
On the other hand, I might have made some bad calls with regards to personal relations.
I might regret those.
But I won't have a chance to undo them.
And now, I think the best option for me is to step away.
And you know something?
Shaking off the mantle of responsibility is a great feeling.
Makes me wonder why I ever burdened myself with it in the first place.
I think the past week has been illuminating for me.
I've reached a realization. I'm stuck in quicksand, and I need to get the hell out of it to stable ground before I sink into the abyss.
When I was still a student, I used to bitch plenty about seniors who graduated, yet stuck around refusing to leave.
Hall 7 had Leslie (and I hear he's still there even though he was two batches ahead of me).
Hall 16 has our good friend G.
And yes, I loathe the sight of G.
I was talking to D the other day during 03S72 gathering and we brought up Leslie, and how he should get the hell out of Hall 7 and stop ruining the lives of freshies.
But the more I think about it, the more I'm terrified that I might be going down the path of Leslie and G.
And I won't be that person.
I won't be the one whom wide-eyed freshmen stare at adoringly while seasoned seniors bitch about.
I refuse to be the person who cannot grow up.
Though I doubt anyone in CBC has the right to bitch about me because honestly NONE of you have come even close to matching what I've done for the club and especially a selected few of you.
I know some people think I blow with the wind.
I don't deny that I behave differently depending on who I'm around.
But I do things the best way I can.
If it means obscuring the truth when necessary, I'm not above doing so.
I have my morals and my ethics.
And I do follow them through.
I can't help it if they are dissimilar from yours.
I dislike hypocrites.
And I do not, in my opinion, behave like one.
My ethics are to help those I want to help.
If it means I have to shortchange others I am less concerned about, it's part of the trade.
And if it wasn't for a few of you people, I would never bend my back over for something as paltry as, say, SHF list. But I did.
Now maybe you wouldn't have wanted me to.
And I don't seek anything in return.
I would never use what I did as a bargaining chip for anything.
And I mean never.
So I have done what I tasked myself to do.
Perhaps I can say I lived up to you and kept my promises.
But to me, more importantly, I lived up to myself.
And I have no regrets.
Not for a single thing I have done.
And while we are on the decisions I've made for CBC and Hall 16,
And I would do exactly the same thing if I had my choice.
On the other hand, I might have made some bad calls with regards to personal relations.
I might regret those.
But I won't have a chance to undo them.
And now, I think the best option for me is to step away.
And you know something?
Shaking off the mantle of responsibility is a great feeling.
Makes me wonder why I ever burdened myself with it in the first place.
Prawning is too fun.
And thanks go to J for taking me there.
I had a good time.
And I was actually having a good day.
Up till when you walked past me like I was thin air.
Seriously, we were just one bus stop away.
Would it kill you to wait just 5 minutes to see us?
Or are we just completely transparent now that you have other more important people?
And as fate would have it, we did spot you.
Is stopping to talk to us such a waste of time?
Before, I know you would have stopped.
You would have been happy to see us. To see me. I think.
Now it just seems like you can't wait to get away because we're taking up your precious time that you could have spent with others.
And like J said.
It just brings a chill down your spine.
I hope he is enough to fill your heart completely.
Because the rest of us? I don't think we'll be there.
It's just too much to ask.
And I realize, my heart is neither magnanimous nor altruistic enough.
I wish you all the best.
And thanks go to J for taking me there.
I had a good time.
And I was actually having a good day.
Up till when you walked past me like I was thin air.
Seriously, we were just one bus stop away.
Would it kill you to wait just 5 minutes to see us?
Or are we just completely transparent now that you have other more important people?
And as fate would have it, we did spot you.
Is stopping to talk to us such a waste of time?
Before, I know you would have stopped.
You would have been happy to see us. To see me. I think.
Now it just seems like you can't wait to get away because we're taking up your precious time that you could have spent with others.
And like J said.
It just brings a chill down your spine.
I hope he is enough to fill your heart completely.
Because the rest of us? I don't think we'll be there.
It's just too much to ask.
And I realize, my heart is neither magnanimous nor altruistic enough.
I wish you all the best.
I went back to school yesterday, walked around SRC and Hall 16.
Like I always did, the past 4 years of my life.
I thought it would be the same again.
This is where I belong. This is my place, my club, my hall.
Except that it wasn't. It wasn't the same at all.
And all of a sudden, I felt like a stranger in the places I used to call my home.
It was as if I was outside of a glass window, looking in, and all the people were looking out at me, giving me this strange look, as if I were a foreign object or person.
I sat in I and J's room, and I couldn't shake off this unsettled feeling.
I lay down in the couch at the lounge, and I felt like a trespasser.
This is not my place anymore.
And maybe it was that moment that things really hit me.
I thought I didn't want to let go.
I thought I wasn't ready to let go.
But maybe I am.
Maybe it's time.
I still like the game.
I still love my friends dearly.
But I don't think I can do this anymore.
So please, help me stop.
And on a side note.
Maybe it was you treating me like crap that finally pushed me into the right direction.
So in some strange, insane, warped and bizarre way, I thank you.
Like I always did, the past 4 years of my life.
I thought it would be the same again.
This is where I belong. This is my place, my club, my hall.
Except that it wasn't. It wasn't the same at all.
And all of a sudden, I felt like a stranger in the places I used to call my home.
It was as if I was outside of a glass window, looking in, and all the people were looking out at me, giving me this strange look, as if I were a foreign object or person.
I sat in I and J's room, and I couldn't shake off this unsettled feeling.
I lay down in the couch at the lounge, and I felt like a trespasser.
This is not my place anymore.
And maybe it was that moment that things really hit me.
I thought I didn't want to let go.
I thought I wasn't ready to let go.
But maybe I am.
Maybe it's time.
I still like the game.
I still love my friends dearly.
But I don't think I can do this anymore.
So please, help me stop.
And on a side note.
Maybe it was you treating me like crap that finally pushed me into the right direction.
So in some strange, insane, warped and bizarre way, I thank you.
I'm so very tired.
It was never meant to be fair, was it?
It was never meant to be fair, was it?
Back from Langkawi.
I didn't enjoy the trip as much as I thought I would.
I guess it's difficult when so many people go on a holiday together.
There's no way to please everyone.
And sometimes I can't help but feel that I don't matter to you anymore.
You may deny it all you want, but I know you.
The feeling of being loved is important to you. And you never made an attempt to deny it.
I know I'm not as important as he is, and frankly I don't expect to be.
But once in a while, it would be nice for you to leave his side and talk to others.
Talk to me.
Because despite me trying to convince myself that you don't mean it, it still feels as if you treat me like crap.
I think maybe I is right and maybe I should count my blessings.
It is, after all, a good chance for me to make a clean break and pull away.
From not just you, but her too.
It hasn't been an easy time for me, pretending to like the people I clearly dislike, pretending to be supportive when I can't concur the least. Pretending that people are better than they actually are.
I'm just tired of having to do the planning.
And what's worse than having to plan, is having people not follow the plan.
I wish the world was fairer.
I wish people would observe propriety.
I wish you have more brains and a better attitude.
I wish you didn't blame everyone but yourself when you clearly suck.
And even despite all this, I still wish you would improve because under all that lackadaisical attitude and ego problems, I know you are a good person.
But there is only so much nonsense I can take.
I'm just grateful that I found I & J during the last semester.
Strange that out of the 4 people I talk to the most, 2 have names starting with I and 2 with J.
And that makes me think of JI, which just reminds me of M and the scorpion jokes about Allah.
But back to the point, I'm grateful that you two have stood by me, listened to my troubles, tred to help me out.
I thank you. Really.
And I am so very glad that I have you two.
As for the other two, I think you already know the drill.
I'm there, if you need me.
But I can't, in all good faith, put myself on the line for you again.
If you don't or can't be bothered about me, I can only choose to protect myself.
And as always, I wish all of you, only the very best.
I didn't enjoy the trip as much as I thought I would.
I guess it's difficult when so many people go on a holiday together.
There's no way to please everyone.
And sometimes I can't help but feel that I don't matter to you anymore.
You may deny it all you want, but I know you.
The feeling of being loved is important to you. And you never made an attempt to deny it.
I know I'm not as important as he is, and frankly I don't expect to be.
But once in a while, it would be nice for you to leave his side and talk to others.
Talk to me.
Because despite me trying to convince myself that you don't mean it, it still feels as if you treat me like crap.
I think maybe I is right and maybe I should count my blessings.
It is, after all, a good chance for me to make a clean break and pull away.
From not just you, but her too.
It hasn't been an easy time for me, pretending to like the people I clearly dislike, pretending to be supportive when I can't concur the least. Pretending that people are better than they actually are.
I'm just tired of having to do the planning.
And what's worse than having to plan, is having people not follow the plan.
I wish the world was fairer.
I wish people would observe propriety.
I wish you have more brains and a better attitude.
I wish you didn't blame everyone but yourself when you clearly suck.
And even despite all this, I still wish you would improve because under all that lackadaisical attitude and ego problems, I know you are a good person.
But there is only so much nonsense I can take.
I'm just grateful that I found I & J during the last semester.
Strange that out of the 4 people I talk to the most, 2 have names starting with I and 2 with J.
And that makes me think of JI, which just reminds me of M and the scorpion jokes about Allah.
But back to the point, I'm grateful that you two have stood by me, listened to my troubles, tred to help me out.
I thank you. Really.
And I am so very glad that I have you two.
As for the other two, I think you already know the drill.
I'm there, if you need me.
But I can't, in all good faith, put myself on the line for you again.
If you don't or can't be bothered about me, I can only choose to protect myself.
And as always, I wish all of you, only the very best.
The holidays are drawing to an end.
And yes, I'm just deceiving myself.
I've graduated.
So there is no such thing as a school holiday.
But then, I never denied that I was idling my time away.
It amazes me how others seem to think that I don't realize I'm bumming around.
Hi there.
Last time I tested my IQ, it was above 90.
I'm not stupid.
I've been at school, or at work, without a break, since I was four years old.
Is it so much to ask, to take a breather now, and sit back.
Not just enjoy life, but really think about what I want to do next time.
I'm not young anymore.
And once you start a full-time job, you can only age faster.
But suspended in this timeless, no-school no-work zone, I feel like I've stopped aging.
And maybe, just for a few months, I can pretend to be young again, with nothing eating up my time.
I miss those carefree days.
But to others, it just seems that I'm lazing around.
To put things bluntly, I know my family can afford to support me for the next half a year, even if I don't work.
Hence I'm not particularly worried about being unemployed currently.
If we were really in dire straits, I wouldn't be behaving this way.
But I know and you know we aren't.
So can't you just let me live my fantasy world for a little longer?
I just want to be young again.
And yes, I'm just deceiving myself.
I've graduated.
So there is no such thing as a school holiday.
But then, I never denied that I was idling my time away.
It amazes me how others seem to think that I don't realize I'm bumming around.
Hi there.
Last time I tested my IQ, it was above 90.
I'm not stupid.
I've been at school, or at work, without a break, since I was four years old.
Is it so much to ask, to take a breather now, and sit back.
Not just enjoy life, but really think about what I want to do next time.
I'm not young anymore.
And once you start a full-time job, you can only age faster.
But suspended in this timeless, no-school no-work zone, I feel like I've stopped aging.
And maybe, just for a few months, I can pretend to be young again, with nothing eating up my time.
I miss those carefree days.
But to others, it just seems that I'm lazing around.
To put things bluntly, I know my family can afford to support me for the next half a year, even if I don't work.
Hence I'm not particularly worried about being unemployed currently.
If we were really in dire straits, I wouldn't be behaving this way.
But I know and you know we aren't.
So can't you just let me live my fantasy world for a little longer?
I just want to be young again.
It is done.
As I said it would be.
And now, my burden is lifted.
You see.
I keep my promises.
Whether or not you appreciate it.
Because even if I didn't care about letting you down, I care about letting myself down.
And Tinky never fails what she has promised.
And I truly hope, for your own sakes, that you make something worthwhile out of this.
So may peace be with you.
And me, too.
As I said it would be.
And now, my burden is lifted.
You see.
I keep my promises.
Whether or not you appreciate it.
Because even if I didn't care about letting you down, I care about letting myself down.
And Tinky never fails what she has promised.
And I truly hope, for your own sakes, that you make something worthwhile out of this.
So may peace be with you.
And me, too.
